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“How will I know if he’s dead?” This question came from a woman in her 50s, husband was nearing the end of his life. Does he like change color? She continued, “I’ve never really seen anyone that’s dead before.” The moment of death. The moment where there was once life, a flame, extinguished. Is that…

A Good Nurse

Lately, work has been crazy. There always seems to be a fire to put out. I try to provide education and support to the families, who are in their most emotionally taxing times. Am I doing a good job of it? This always leads me down the rabbit hole of questioning what a good nurse…

No Apologies.

This is one of those straight to the point blogs. I thought about toning it down, but, healthcare workers have been made to be quiet for so long, this won’t be one of those moments. There have been so many changes and upheavals in healthcare over the past few years – Covid, short staffing, burnout…

Because Of The Heart

Last night, I returned home from work somewhere around 7pm. I left my house that morning at 7:30. It was a long and exhausting day. The worst part of it was that I was so busy during the day that I had not charted a syllable on any patient. For those that don’t know about…

Home Alone

“But, you are just going to give him to me? How am I going to take care of him at home? On my own?” The words never came out of my mouth, but the thoughts screamed loudly in my mind. I had given birth to a gorgeous baby boy and now, a few days later,…

Welcome To The Club

Many years ago, before starting nursing school, I never had anything to do with the medical field. I always thought that I’d be squeamish at blood and wouldn’t be able to handle a crisis situation. When we started our clinical program at The Western Pennsylvania Hospital school of nursing, we had to wear a specific…

Let’s Be Honest

As many know who have read my writings before, I tend to be very transparent with my feelings. Being in hospice has afforded me the opportunity to witness, first hand, the rainbow of emotions that make the human existence. Today’s writing won’t necessarily have to do with hospice specifically, but, is compelled from a place…

Addition and Subtraction

“I know you hospice types”, he looked over at me as I jotted down notes, “you are going to admit me now and just start taking away all my medications.” I looked up at him and thought about his words for a second. His eyes glimmered with a bit of mischief but, also reflected his…

Courage

I can’t tell you what I am thinking because I know I will cry I am not supposed to cry. Stoic. Steely. Keeping my emotions in check. They belong in my bag.. tucked away with my stethoscope. But, as I see you there… struggling. Your body so tired from the fight. Your spirit heavy with…

Don’t Be Scared

Fear is such a confusing feeling. It causes some to run from the object they fear and others towards it. Some fear the actual feeling of fear without knowing what exactly it is they are afraid of. Is it like the young child, who after put to bed, lives each second worrying about the monster…