When It Is One of Your Own

When my work phone rings early on a day off, I tend to not wake up. When it rings twice, I start to get conscious. By the time it’s the third try and it’s my personal phone, I am wide awake. Before my eyes even opened, I knew it was a phone call I would… Continue reading When It Is One of Your Own

The Weight.

My blog has been quiet lately. I haven’t found myself in the correct headspace to actually write. I would start a post and then just abandon it because the words sounded choppy and there was no connection to it. My innermost voices have been a symphony of different emotions, one jockeying harder than the others… Continue reading The Weight.

No Angel

“It takes a special person to be a nurse and it takes an angel to be a hospice nurse” I am no angel I will not always know the perfect thing to say I will not always be on point I am not perfect nor am I an angel, but here is what I am… Continue reading No Angel

I Understand

“Helen,” she said, as she wiped away her tears, “I hope you never have to experience this. I hope you never have to feel what it feels like to be making a decision that could be ending someone’s life.” Her mom had just literally passed, the room still felt like full of her presence. My… Continue reading I Understand

Not 9, But 99

She was the type of old lady I want to be. She was sassy and opinionated. Mostly confused but, had moments of crystal lucidity. Her eyes were set on a fellow resident and no amount of reasoning could dissuade her that this was going to be her boyfriend. She loved Diet Coke, but, fountain only… Continue reading Not 9, But 99

The Cry

It was a particularly hard day in the middle of a particularly hard few weeks. Nothing was going the way I wanted it to. I had snoozed then alarm one too many times and missed the small sliver of free time in the morning that I could exercise before work. I had forgotten to charge… Continue reading The Cry

Take Two

I always try to prepare myself for a new admission. Reading over the notes and reports, a plan starts to take shape in mind, even before I have my first visit. Plenty of times, almost as if it were habit, autopilot kicks in. CHF? Oxygen, morphine, diuretics, meds to increase the strength of the heart’s… Continue reading Take Two

A Change of Thought.

I am a proud hospice nurse. I love what I do. But, I find myself dreading my answer when people ask me about what I do. Typically, the responses involve some sort of “oh” and the loss of eye contact as they look down. “I couldn’t ever do what you do” “I don’t know how… Continue reading A Change of Thought.

What Next?

No matter how prepared you try to be, you never are. All of the education – explaining about how the body will change, what medications will be used and how each symptom will be managed – prepares only minimally. But, we still put so much effort into the preparation of -the- moment. The progression towards… Continue reading What Next?

When It Won’t Gel

When I feel the urge to blog, it normally will happen in response to some idea swirling around. The problem with that is, as anyone who knows me, my brain is a never ending train of thoughts. I may be showing my age, but, it’s like the VH1 show, Pop Up Videos, when the bubbles… Continue reading When It Won’t Gel