The Slow Burn

If I had a dollar for a every time someone said something along the lines of “I don’t know how you can do what you do”, I would have a serious pile of cash. Seriously, the truth is some days, I don’t know how I do what I do. It is physically, mentally and emotionally… Continue reading The Slow Burn

Disappear

“I just don’t understand why! It’s like I have been abandoned. Like me dying has made all the people who said they loved me turn their backs on me. I am not a leper. I am still here” Heartbreakingly true words that are more commonly spoken by hospice patients than anyone realizes. A patient and… Continue reading Disappear

The Whispers

I’ve gotten kind of used to it. Sometimes, when I enter a patient’s room, I notice some family members turn and whisper. It’s almost like when I tell people what I am lucky enough to do and they give me the heartbreaking face while lowering their voice to a whisper. Maybe it is because of… Continue reading The Whispers

All The Time

Leave it at the door Don’t bring your work home with you That might work for a garbage man or maybe a tree cutter, but those rules don’t apply to a hospice nurse. I am probably thinking about you from the moment I shut your door behind me. I am probably still thinking of you… Continue reading All The Time

Thank You

It’s a little chilly in your bathroom, but, you are sweating and have the fan strategically blowing in your face. Your color is pale, almost like a pre tanned vacation photo except you have look that alerts others you aren’t well. Eyes are sunken, the brightness that once was there is no more. The dark… Continue reading Thank You

That’s A Dirty Word

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

I’ve often noticed that when people ask what I do, the response is often whispered back.  I say I am a hospice nurse and most of the time, the person questioning will say “hospice nurse”, as if it were a bad word, as if by them saying it some crazy thing will happen and it will… Continue reading That’s A Dirty Word

The square peg in the round hole

  Cuts heal.  Incisions close. Infections resolve.  But, does the pain of loss ever really heal?  That is a question that I am often asked and quite honestly don’t always have the answer for. The complex manifestation that we call loss is such a convoluted mix of emotions, feelings, thoughts and memories.  Age is a… Continue reading The square peg in the round hole

The Certain Uncertainty

This particular blog has been hard for me to write.  Not because of anything in particular, but because I had the idea for what I wanted to express, but, getting the words to flow together was another story.  My words, just like our lives sometimes do, just would not meld together with any rhythmic flow. … Continue reading The Certain Uncertainty

When Did You Go?

Where you there when you could no longer speak?  Was your soul still present?  Could you hear us all around your bed.. talking with you… sometimes happy.. sometimes sad? When was the moment that you let go? A lot of times, when people are passing, they fall into states where they are no longer responsive. … Continue reading When Did You Go?

A gut is not always a bad thing

Intuition.  A sense.  A feeling.  Gut instinct.  God’s way of talking to you.  The Universe trying to point you in the right direction.  Nurses are particularly keen to this sort of thing.  For the most part, we can probably eye a patient up and get a sense of things to come.  That’s part of the… Continue reading A gut is not always a bad thing