The Weight.

My blog has been quiet lately. I haven’t found myself in the correct headspace to actually write. I would start a post and then just abandon it because the words sounded choppy and there was no connection to it. My innermost voices have been a symphony of different emotions, one jockeying harder than the others… Continue reading The Weight.

Welcome To The Club

Many years ago, before starting nursing school, I never had anything to do with the medical field. I always thought that I’d be squeamish at blood and wouldn’t be able to handle a crisis situation. When we started our clinical program at The Western Pennsylvania Hospital school of nursing, we had to wear a specific… Continue reading Welcome To The Club

Let’s Be Honest

As many know who have read my writings before, I tend to be very transparent with my feelings. Being in hospice has afforded me the opportunity to witness, first hand, the rainbow of emotions that make the human existence. Today’s writing won’t necessarily have to do with hospice specifically, but, is compelled from a place… Continue reading Let’s Be Honest

Scream

We have all had these types of visits. The kind that you literally cannot get out of the home fast enough. As I rushed into the safe cocoon of my car, the tears that I had been trying so hard to hide came flooding out. Not wanting to be seen by anyone connected with the… Continue reading Scream

What’s It Worth?

I am exhausted.. it’s been a crazy long day. I left the house this am before having had coffee and returned home, exhausted. Lunch was a diet soda, which I grabbed as I was getting gas. I kept thinking that after the next visit, I would find a decent bathroom to help my screaming bladder,… Continue reading What’s It Worth?

My Own Mirror

I thought a lot about writing a blog entry like this. It’s very personal and raw. It’s something I have struggled with, covertly and then, overtly for many years. Acknowledging it was very freeing because as much as I didn’t want to admit it, anxiety has played such a huge role in my life. My… Continue reading My Own Mirror

Walking Together Forever

When someone dies, it is always a difficult and sad situation.. Like many people, my heart is so heavy today. Kobe Bryant, his daughter and several others lost their lives in a helicopter crash. To me, Kobe had always been special. He and I were born in the same year, same month, same day and… Continue reading Walking Together Forever

Addition and Subtraction

“I know you hospice types”, he looked over at me as I jotted down notes, “you are going to admit me now and just start taking away all my medications.” I looked up at him and thought about his words for a second. His eyes glimmered with a bit of mischief but, also reflected his… Continue reading Addition and Subtraction

Courage

I can’t tell you what I am thinking because I know I will cry I am not supposed to cry. Stoic. Steely. Keeping my emotions in check. They belong in my bag.. tucked away with my stethoscope. But, as I see you there… struggling. Your body so tired from the fight. Your spirit heavy with… Continue reading Courage

I Won’t Do That

Her face was gaunt, lips dry, eyes without that indescribable flicker of life… her body tired and unable to fight anymore… she was at home, surrounded by her family … her faithful dog occasionally bouncing up to the foot of the bed, which made a loud creak when he found a spot he liked. Occasionally,… Continue reading I Won’t Do That