Answers

Life is full of questions. Life is full of choices. Life is full of decisions. Life is full of those moments where you feel like you should have the answers, but you just don’t. Having a loved one in hospice or being yourself in hospice is a microcosm of questions and uncertainties. Just like a…

A.D.

It’s my job, as a hospice nurse, to be the navigator on a journey that most all hate to travel. Just as any exploratory voyage, and it is exploratory because each person’s journey is unique, there are moments of calm… moments of silence… moments of laughter… moments of regret… moments of sadness. In my mind’s…

Knocking On The Door

“Helen, does she know I am here? Can she hear me?” Questions like this abound when a loved one is close to crossing the vast divide. Tasking me, a simple hospice nurse with providing the answer to such a profound question, is something that always shakes me to my core. You see, the truth is,…

The Slow Burn

If I had a dollar for a every time someone said something along the lines of “I don’t know how you can do what you do”, I would have a serious pile of cash. Seriously, the truth is some days, I don’t know how I do what I do. It is physically, mentally and emotionally…

Disappear

“I just don’t understand why! It’s like I have been abandoned. Like me dying has made all the people who said they loved me turn their backs on me. I am not a leper. I am still here” Heartbreakingly true words that are more commonly spoken by hospice patients than anyone realizes. A patient and…

The Whispers

I’ve gotten kind of used to it. Sometimes, when I enter a patient’s room, I notice some family members turn and whisper. It’s almost like when I tell people what I am lucky enough to do and they give me the heartbreaking face while lowering their voice to a whisper. Maybe it is because of…

All The Time

Leave it at the door Don’t bring your work home with you That might work for a garbage man or maybe a tree cutter, but those rules don’t apply to a hospice nurse. I am probably thinking about you from the moment I shut your door behind me. I am probably still thinking of you…

Thank You

It’s a little chilly in your bathroom, but, you are sweating and have the fan strategically blowing in your face. Your color is pale, almost like a pre tanned vacation photo except you have look that alerts others you aren’t well. Eyes are sunken, the brightness that once was there is no more. The dark…

That Smile

The day began really early today… Much earlier than I would like.  The coffee didn’t have a chance to even make it to my gut before we were on our way.  We were going to see a patient… younger who had been diagnosed with ALS.  As typical for me, I was full of nervous anticipation. …