When It Becomes A Memory

A moment becomes a memory just that quickly. The people that we see everyday can fade from our lives long before we are ever ready for it.

The shock value of losing someone special is normally followed by a wave of regret, grief and sorrow. Regret is a bitter ghost of a reminder of a slew of promises never met. We don’t regret the thinks we cannot do. Like, you won’t regret buying your loved one a luxury car or taking a trip to the South of France if it’s not a financial possibility. But, it’s the things that we can do but don’t do that end up eroding away the shoreline of our hearts.

Could you have spent an extra 10 minutes reading a story to your kid? Maybe taken an extra Sunday drive up and had dinner with the family? Made a bigger deal about a loved ones accomplishment or achievement? Possibly done more to make someone feel appreciated for doing the little things?

“The dead receive more flowers than the living because regret is much stronger than gratitude,” Anne Frank.

Our lives are rushed and stressful – everyone thinks that what we are doing is so important and so critical that we cannot stop what we are doing no matter what may come. Until death comes and robs us of the tomorrow that we hope will be there when we think we will show that appreciation for our loved ones.

Make that phone call just to say hi. Send that card just to make them smile. Make a huge deal about their birthday. Celebrate your anniversary every year as if it was your first. Go to dinner with your girlfriends. Have a beer with your guy friends. Tell your kids how awesome they are. Hug often. Complain less. Show appreciation in spades. Pick wildflowers just because. Cook your loved one’s favorite meal on a usual Wednesday night. Love hard. Show it.

I don’t know about you, but, I would much rather live with the memory of my loved one smiling and knowing how loved they were rather than going to a cold stone to pour out my heart.

If you love someone they should know it and feel it long before the breath leaves their body.

No matter how much we wish we could stop it, life flows on. We can’t control that. All we do have control over are our words and our actions. Make them mean something.

As important as it is for us to not have the feeling that might arise if we fail to do those things, it is also equally as crucial to never let anyone slip into the next world unsure of how those around them feel. Imagine closing your eyes and knowing exactly the immense feelings of love you invoke in and from others. Not capturing every moment and opening your heart proves to be a loss all around.

Make the small days big ones, seize every chance to elicit a smile, celebrate birthdays with the enthusiasm of children, open your eyes and heart to love…

The dying have never regretted the channel surfing they didn’t do, the extra hour of work they never finished but rather the intangible moments they missed … the words they might have chosen not to say…

Appreciation costs nothing

Gratitude costs nothing

Love costs nothing

Grief and regret have such a crippling and forever fee.

Today. Now. Here.




Express your soul.

Better to see one’s reaction instead of spending a lifetime wondering if they knew…..

By Helen Haddick BSN RN CHPN

RN who has just left critical care in the hospital for hospice. Join me for my journey Please feel free to leave comments and like if you enjoy this

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